Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Should I Go?

My biggest dream actually not to be the best MD or the richest person in the world. Nope. My biggest dream is simple yet not easy to achieve which is traveling around the world. And by world I literally mean the world, from north pole to south pole.

Once in my life, I met someone who shared the same dream. We used to talk for hours, planning how to accomplish it and when's the best time to start it. We also came up with an itinerary! Europe first, then africa, back to asia and we're gonna take looong time here in asia especially Indonesia. Next one is Australia. Then back to Jakarta for some rest. But after that, America's continent and we're gonna do a road trip. Oohh...I so want it to happen.

We'd even started a bank account for that dream. Well...actually that time, he'd started his saving long before me.

One day, he decided that it's time to go. He said we could save our money as much as we can but maybe it would never be enough cause there's always things like financial depression or inflation or whatever in this world. So what we should do is to save enough money for the start of the travel and a bit saving for an emergency that may come up along the journey. And for rest of the journey, we'll just gonna do any kind of job to cover the costs.

For sure, he asked me to go with him. At that time, my saving was just enough to pay the visa and buy plane's ticket. But he said not to worry. His saving was enough for both of us for minimum of 3 months, could be more if we really control our expenses.

But things that worried me the most actually not money. I worried about my job and more important : my family. At that time, my family really needed me. My mom's health wasn't good. My brothers and sister were still in college, so they can't look after my mom. And any money that I could get could be a help for my family since my mom was hospitalized. I can't be selfish enough to just go and leave my family, can I?

He was willing to wait for me, so that we could travel together. But I can't let him do that. Like what he said : life's short and nobody knows how long one's gonna live. Death could come tomorrow or even the next minute. And I'd regret it if something bad happened to him before he could pursue his dream.

So I turned down his offer and asked him to start his journey. And with that, I also turned down a chance of new love.

Then I went to Tual, the closest thing of journey that I could get at that time while he traveled in europe.

Been almost 3 years now. He's in Africa, I'm back in Jakarta. We still keep in contact, though I always feel a tinge of jealousy whenever I hear his story.

And now,maybe I get a second chance to travel with him. There's this guy who asked me to go with him to meet his family in Kenya.
Nope...there's nothing romantic between us, at least as far as I'm concerned. He just wants me to meet his family and that's all.
Oh he said that he's gonna pay for the ticket. But even if he's not, my saving's actually enough to go there.

I'm tempted to his offer.
No...not to meet his family, but see...that guy-who-shared-the-same-dream is in Africa now. He's not in Kenya at this moment though. But he said he would come to pick me up in Kenya. From there, we could start our round-the-world-trip. And living our dream, finally.

I really really really wanna go.
But the reasons that held me before still become milestone around my neck though the condition now is better than before.
So what should I do now?
I mean, I deserve to have this second chance, rite? I deserve to be selfish and just go, do I?
But then, would I have the heart to do that?

Well...actually I kinda already have the answer. I just can't bring my heart to completely deal with it. At least not yet :)

Dewi, really-wanna-go

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